top ten: Grenada

Top ten totally awesome things about Grenada:
1. The prime minister. Never have I witnessed a public official so spectacularly lacking in compunction. Never have I seen such posturing, such casual falsehoods about matters of state. It is fabulously entertaining to watch.
2. The newspaper! The letters to the editor are not to be believed. Airing of personal grievances regarding a moved cow or the dumping of junked vehicles? Oh yes. Thinly veiled outing of pedophiles in the community, unverified and printed unsigned and as written? Indeed. Half-page ads bought for the sole purpose of wishing a little boy a happy fifth birthday? You betcha.
3. Carnival. Carnival, like sex, can be good even when it's bad. Carnival is especially thrilling if you dig soca, calypso and/or getting half-naked and painting yourself with used motor oil. The voyeurs among you can just watch.
4. The remarkably refreshing manner in which people will comment negatively on the most personal thing, effectively neutralizing (at least my) very American inability to speak honestly about those things. Put on a few pounds? Got a ugly kid? Rest assured, your friends will tell you about it.
5. Gossip. I've been chuckling to myself for over a week now about a conversation I had with a former client. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that they've been speculating amongst themselves re: what I've been doing for the last few months...
6. The buses. They are individually owned, subject to rules but nothing remotely resembling a municipal fleet. This can be a good thing. There's actually music playing on the bus, and it's usually pretty good. Though I have never done it, I have considered asking the driver where he got the cd. Also, almost all of the buses have NAMES. Can you imagine? My favorite? A toss-up between "Jah Vibes" and "The Master Plan".
7. The unfailingly complimentary attitude of the men. If you grew up in a cold place, you will never have heard such sweetness from the mouths of complete strangers.
8. Time. I find it both uncomfortable and repetitive to engage in any extended conversation about time in the Caribbean. As a New Yorker, I found the attitude towards time profoundly healing. Relaxing/taking your time is actually a survival tactic, one rooted in a deep understanding of what it means to take care of yourself.
9. Cheese from New Zealand, fruit juice from South Africa, hair care products from Venezuela, over-the-counter painkillers from England, bacon from Trinidad, perfect instant coffee from Colombia, bold fabrics from Africa, yogurt from France and amber from the Dominican Republic. Then there's the local fruits and vegetables and spices, mango and papaya, ochroe and pumpkin, nutmeg, curry and cloves.
10. I get to wear my rx sunglasses almost all the time, a privilege I have been known to abuse indoors. Wearing sunglasses all the time is useful for a variety of reasons. One of my favorites is that no one can be quite sure where my attention is. I've also enjoyed being told that I look like a movie star, an occurrence unique to Grenada lovely Grenada.

Top ten mortally frightening things about Grenada:
1. Everybody wants something from you... or at least it feels that way.
2. Two words: Phone. Manners.
3. The prime minister. Officially, he's to be addressed as "Doctor, the Honorable...". I cringe.
4. The remarkably intrusive, rude and presumptuous manner in which people -- who you may not even know -- will comment on the most personal things. Like, "I heard you were pregnant, but did you lose the baby? Or maybe it's Tom Thumb you got in there?"
5. Gossip. Nothing is sacred.
6. The buses. They are private, and subject to rules but not really. Most likely, your driver will *not* have been drinking rum in the terminal for the 90 minutes he had to wait his turn to pick up passengers... but you never know. More likely is that you will find yourself subjected to the worst kind of Jesus music. (There is palatable Jesus music out there, don't get me wrong. Just not on the buses in Grenada.)
7. The unfailingly complimentary attitude of the men. You can be eight months pregnant, sweaty and swollen. It does not matter. After a while, on particularly hard days, when you're feeling sensitive or worn out or fed up in general, it can get annoying, even infuriating. You may find yourself fuming at a bemused Rastafarian, threatening to throw your water coconut.
8. Time. I find it both uncomfortable and repetitive to engage in any extended conversation about time in the Caribbean. It takes some getting used to, understanding that when a Grenadian says "in a while", they might mean "very soon", they might mean "in a while", but most likely, they mean "stop asking me when, it'll be when it is".
9. Every couple of months or so, the entire island runs out of diet Coke.
10. I absolutely must wear sunglasses any time I venture outdoors under that tropic sun. With my vision, I'd otherwise develop cataracts by 40.